Friday, July 30, 2010
Russell Ward
Living in a foreign country is harder than you could ever imagine.
I'm not referring to the hardship of moving to a new town or city, or the issues associated with buying houses, cars, and other such material possessions. I'm referring to the difficulty of simply fitting in.
In short, you're a stranger in an alien environment. Your family is absent, you're pretty much mate-less and, unless you do something about it fast, that's the way it's going to stay.
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| Trying to fit in |
In my previous life, I'd spend Friday nights down the local pub with my chums, Saturday mornings in the gym or in town bumping into old acquaintances, and maybe Sunday afternoons catching up with school friends, their partners and, of course, my family.
In moving to Canada, I created a situation in which I left behind those friends I'd have a 'bit of banter' with. My family were no longer present, no cousins or aunts and uncles to visit nearby. I didn't recognise passers-by in the street and heard no warm "hello" from familiar faces in the shopping mall. Overnight, my social life had died and all self-confidence died with it.
I agree that this was a pretty negative way to start a new life adventure overseas. In my defence, I was finding it hard to adjust, and I plain and simply missed my family. I pined for friends and I craved familiarity. I spent all available time with my wife and two dogs, and made no attempt at meeting anyone else.
I was learning a lot about myself in a very short space of time. I quickly realised that my personality didn't lend itself to confronting strangers and seeking friendship. And why should I? I had plenty of good pals back home. So I didn't join social clubs or make enough of an effort with new acquaintances. Generally shy by nature, I quickly became isolated, suffering intense bouts of homesickness and increasing negativity towards those people I came into contact with. This attitude pushed those people away, no new friends came forward, and a vicious cycle was created.
It's often assumed that, when moving to a new city/state/country, fitting in is easy and happens naturally but here's a word to the wise. It isn't and it doesn't. The lesson I learned was that you need to leave your comfort zone and put yourself out there. I didn't and couldn't... and paid the price by struggling to settle for the early part of my new life away from the UK.
Would you have done things differently in my situation? If so, what would you say to any expats-in-the-making?
I realise I'm oversimplfying things and a more detailed discussion would include many other factors to consider when assimilating into a new environment but I believe it's as simple as this: do not consider emigrating if you are a shy person or if being active in the local community doesn't come naturally to you. If you don't like the idea of joining new groups, talking to new faces in the street, or generally approaching someone else before they approach you, then moving abroad is not for you.
I had the support of my wife and extended family and learned from my mistakes. Over time, I recognised that the key to a successful emigration is not completing the correct paperwork or packing the right boxes but accepting your new life, warts and all, and making a gargantuan effort with the local people that comprise that new life. Fitting in is never easy but then who ever said it would be?
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